I think I might be crazy

I've decided to run a marathon in September. September 13 in mount Angel, OR, the Oregon marathon.  And I'm not quite sure why. One day I felt really good and had the time about a month ago so I decided to run 11 miles. I'd ran 8 the week before and wanted to run a little more and figured why not? 

   I've ran one marathon and that was five years ago , 4 months after Emily died. It was for such a huge reason and I felt such a connection and such meaning running it that I've been afraid to try to run another one. I trained with my  best friend In Texas, and those training runs helped me through those four months. They gave me a reason to get up in the morning. And I ran the race with Janica, which was amazing. I had always promised Emily I would run one, when she was coming of the ventilator the respiratory therapist compared the settings they had her on to test her like running a marathon. I had promised her then if she could do it that I would run one someday.  

I think one of the reasons I want to do it now is to just beat that fear I have of doing another one! And to have to do it alone; running that long gives you a lot of time to doubt yourself if you let it!

I ran 17 miles on Thursday, having worked my way up from 11 to 13 to 15. 17 felt like a big deal; I was so nervous I kept waking up on Wednesday night. But I had decided that I would use part of my run to remember Emily and the events of when she was born. I spent the first 11 miles listening to the Well of Assention and then decided to turn on my music and think about Emily. I was amazed at how my emotions came flooding back, I think maybe because I was running and away from distractions I could really focus. It was really good for me to have that chance. And I ran it at a 8.35 mile pace; my last few miles were each at an 8 minute mile. So that was a nice bonus. I was pushing myself but it was nice to know I could. 

 And then the next day I swam for 45 minutes, which I was also proud of myself for-the first ten minutes I thought I was going to die! I haven't swam in 2 years and I've never been any good. It wasn't until I decided to stop focusing so much on my breathing and try to think of other things that I was able to relax and get a good rhythm going. 

 

  Originally I thought I would try to qualify for the Boston but then I realized that they have lowered their qualification time to 3 hours 35 minutes, which is an 8 min 12 sec mile pace.  I don't want to run the whole thing and then be disappointed because I didn't qualify. So my goal is under 4 hours and anything past that is bonus.  We shall see how it goes!  

Called To Serve

This post has been on my mind for a very long time, and I just don't know if I express how I'm feeling. But I want to try.  

In our home is this picture. It hangs above our piano where I see it when I go up and down the stairs and every time I play the piano. People see it as they enter the house.

These are the words of a song that I have always loved, and has become very dear to my heart.  

When Emily was alive she loved this song The year she was a Sunbeam (Age 3-4) at church the kids learned this song.  Whenever she would hear it she would kick her legs in her wheelchair and get super excited. Robby and I were her teachers (along with 8 boys and one other girl!) and I learned the sign language and would help her do it when we sang it in Primary (Sunday School) and whenever I played it at home on the piano she would start rolling around back and forth super fast and squeal. I loved it!  I honestly thought she must just really love the beat of the song-it has a very strong beat that kids love. The song is typically sung about missionaries; and that is certainly the message that I always heard when I sang it.  Here's an example of a video of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing it; with the idea of missionaries.  And I love this meaning as well.  Called To Serve

Here are the Lyrics:

Called to Serve Him Heavenly King of glory

Chosen e're to witness for his name

Far and Wide we tell our Father's story

Far and Wide His love proclaim

Onward, ever onward, as we glory in His name

Onward, ever onward, as we glory in His name.

Forward, pressing forward, as a triumph song we sing.

God our strength will be pressed forward ever 

Called to Serve our King.

Called to know the richness of His blessings

Sons and Daughters, children of a King.

Glad of Heart His holy name confessing. 

Praises onto Him we bring. 

After Emily died our bishop came to our house the next morning and went over the funeral arrangements with us. He told us that the Primary children would like to sing-his wife was the person who taught the children the songs, including Emily. He named a song that Emily didn't know but the kids had learned. I didn't say anything but after he left I told Robby I didn't like that idea, and wanted them to sing Called to Serve, since it was Emily's favorite song and the children had learned it that last year in Primary and sang it for the program. I called Shauna Busch and she of course agreed.  

After I had called her back I went on a short run to give me a bit of thinking time. I was thinking of Emily and this song and how much she loved it and the thought came to me that the reason why Emily loved this song so much wasn't so much for the beat, but because the words of the song explained what her mission here on Earth was. She had been chosen before she was born to be a witness of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and help others know His love. And she KNEW it. Through all of her trials she was ever going onward, happy and smiling and bringing peace and happiness to those around her.  She knew who she was and she wanted to share it with others.  And those who knew Emily would say that she did.

I really feel like so many of our children with disabilities feel the same way; that they know who they are and what their purpose on Earth is, and that's one of the reasons why they radiate so much love. 

Emily and children like her are my heroes, and so are their parents who so cheerfully and full of love deal with the many trials and heartaches that come with raising a child with disabilities. But I know that with it also comes such great rewards; I will never feel sorry for you! 

My dear friend who gave me this picture is blessed to have one of those children in their home.  You just can't help but feel happy when you are around Ryan-I really think one of the reasons is that he knows who he is, even though his body can't quite tell you with words. 

Lily has learned to play the simplified version of this song; and Lance calls it "Emily's Song." I'm so glad we have such a tangible reminder in our home of who Emily is. I'm sure that Emily has heard Lily play it and is proud.

January 2014

So I'm not quite sure what I'm doing with blogging but I thought I'd try to put some pics on since apparently I haven't done that at all. The kids helped me make an apple pie at Lily's request. Quite fun. 

 Grant learned how to get up on the dishwasher. 

 We went to Indian Beach at Echola State Park; It's becoming one of my favorite beaches in Oregon-we've been back 2 other times.

 Grandma came to visit!

 Lily had her first dance recital . 

 We went to the Air and Space Museum on Emily's Angel Day

 For Family night we went through Emily's box of special things. 

Fishing

I'm just figuring out how to blog from my phone and apparently I put the pictures in reverse order. Here's lance and lily trying the fish they caught. Not a big fan of lake trout!

The kids with their haul. 

Cleaning the fish

On the boat

We went fishing to Haag Lake this weekend and had a great time. They supply poles and a boat for you to go out on and feed you lunch! They also had a raffle and we won 2 fishing poles, a lantern, and a bag of Legos. Not a bad haul! The kids got to go on the boat with Robby and I had to stay behind with Grant, so we went on a nice, hilly run. Crazy hilly!  Robby said they laughed hysterically when the boat went fast. 

Piano

I love that lily can play the piano and be in my recitals; it makes my heart happy. She really enjoys playing-I hope it continues! She played Part of your World from The little mermaid. She's wearing aunt Sarah's dress that grandma made .

Why birthdays are a big deal

Grant turned one on March 23. It made me sad approaching this day, since he is most likely my last baby and turning one seems to mark the end of the "baby" phase, they turn toddlers so quickly after they turn one. But, I also remember that when Emily turned one it made me a little (a lot) sad because she was still so much of a baby-she wasn't even rolling over when she turned one, and I saw all these other babies learning to stand and walk and didn't know if I would ever have the chance in this life to experience a child doing those things. And now I've had three chances, with lily, lance, and Grant! I'm so lucky!

Which brings me to why birthdays are a big deal. There was a post going around about "I'm done making my children's childhood magical" and while I understand some points of it-you should do things for you, not because there is an expectation that things be perfect-I like making a bigger deal about birthdays. Because I had a child who never made it to her next birthday, each birthday my kids make it to is a big deal to me. I have major emotional attachment to the fact that they made it to another birthday. Maybe it's not normal but it's part of losing a child for me, I think.  

That being said, I only do what I am comfortable with. For Grant's birthday I had the inspired (seriously, it was inspired-lily needed to feel needed) idea to let lily plan his party. I showed her how to make a board on Pinterest for Grant and how to look at ideas and pin them, and we then went back through her ideas and she decided on the theme, seseme street.  Once she decided on that we found more pins on seseme street, and then I helped her pick the ideas that I could execute without losing my mind. 

We all had so much fun making this #1 poster of Grant's first year. 

Lily decorated his high chair. 

She also drew seseme street characters on the paper plates and hung them from the light .

She also drew this Elmo to play pin the nose on Elmo. 

Grant are tons of frosting and made a good mess. 

And Janica's family came which was a lot of fun. I love my little one year old!7

Emily's Experience on Earth

Robby wrote this in the days after Emily's death.  He surprised me at the funeral by reading it during his tribute to her.  We read it every year on January 20, her Angel Day.  I can't get it to not underline. Sorry!

Emily’s Experience on Earth

Before I was born and I still lived in Heaven,
Heavenly Father explained how life would be.
He said that it would be full of challenges and trials,
But that I would have a family who loves me.

I would have friends and loved ones who would do all that they could,
To make sure I was joyful and happy.
And when I asked him what my purpose on earth would be,
He smiled, with a tear in his eye, and simply said “You’ll see.”

My life on earth had a difficult start,
I could no longer see nor hear.
But it didn’t take long to understand,
That my parents loved me so dear.

They stayed at the hospital for the first seven weeks,
And had faith that I could breathe on my own.
And eventually the wonderful day came,
They were able to take me home.

I made so many friends along the way,
I was able to learn so many things.
And although I had my share of pain and struggles,
I felt the joy and the love that the Gospel brings.

I have a Mother, who sacrificed everything she could,
Who did her best to keep me healthy and strong.
I have a Father, who provided me safety and peace,
Who’s whistling and roaring helped me as my life moved along.

I have a Sister, who loves and cares for me,
Even though she liked to pull my hair.
Who when the time came for me to die in their arms,
Gave my parents peace with her happy stare.

I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins,
Who always treated me as one of their own.
I have classmates, friends, and fellow 18th Chromosome family,
Who reminded me that I’m never alone.

Through all of my challenges and obstacles overcome,
I began to realize my mission.
There would be so many people whose lives I could touch,
Even without hearing and vision.

And now I can tell them at the end of my earthly life,
That God has a plan for everyone.
That because of the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ,
We can return to him in glory and perfection.

Now I can run, and see, and hear,
I can talk, and help, and serve.
I can help others know that the Gospel of Christ,
Will lead them to the happiness they deserve.

As a final request to all who know me,
As we part, at least for a while:
That when they think of Emily Hammond,
They share with me a laugh and a smile.