Consider the Lilies

Lately it seems like I have so many friends going through tough times with their children. Surgeries going wrong, or things coming up that they weren't expecting to deal with, or even death. And it just breaks my heart. One of my favorite songs has always been, since I first heard it before Emily was born, Consider the Lilies, by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. After Emily was born I heard them sing it at a Relief Society conference and cried and cried. I think the song is one of the reasons I love the name Lily. If you'd like to listen to it, it's the first link on the right. (I couldn't figure out how to put it in my post-help?)

My favorite line is "Consider the sweet, tender children, who must suffer on this Earth. The pains of all them he carried, from the day of his birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the lambs in His fold, And he will heal those who trust him, And make their hearts as gold. "

My thoughts this Easter turn toward Emily, as they have every Easter since she's been gone. And of course they turn toward my Savior. I'm so grateful for his Atoning sacrifice and the Ressurection, that I can be with Emily and my family again. This song was the song that was playing when Emily passed away, and so it's taken me awhile to be able to listen to it again. But I love the message and the peace and hope it brings.

Moments

I feel like in my 9 years of being married, I have lived two completely different lives. And I have. For 4 1/2 years we had Emily, and I was the Mom of a Child with Special Needs. And this really defined who I was. And who I am still, I think. Everything that I did or thought revolved around Emily and what she needed. My life was full of therapy, doctors appointments, school, etc. Even during play time it was she and I doing therapy. But we sang lots of songs and read lots of books and went lots of places, which I am so grateful for. Lily was only 5 months old when Emily passed away, so I hadn't even really had a chance to get used to life with 2! Lily wasn't rolling around much yet or anything, and so life was mostly still taking care of Emily, with playing and feeding Lily when we could! Lily was such an easy going baby. It still hurts when I think that Em and Lily only had 5 months together. But, Lily knows her little sister now. She talks about Emily going to school in her wheelchair, and how she loved to roll, and how she loved to eat bananas and how she had owies on her stomach (heart surgery).

And now I have my life with Lily and Lance. While it's busy, it's your typical life with two toddler/babies. My schedule is pretty much my own-if I don't make it to the grocery store, I can go later or Robby can go. If I don't want to go to story time, or to the zoo, I don't have to go. It's just amazing to me how "normal" my life is now. And I'm very happy. I love being able to just play with my kids, and my worries are the typical ones now-hold my hand when you cross the street, don't talk to strangers, etc. But it's hard, because inside I'm still that mom of a child with special needs, who a lot of people don't know and never met because they never met Emily. And it's hard because the reason why my life is "normal" is because Emily isn't here. And while I know she's happy and busy, it doesn't make me miss her any less.

Emily has definitely made me appreciate all that Lily and Lance can do. Sometimes it's like a mantra, "I'm grateful Lily's so busy. I'm grateful she can make messes. I'm grateful she talks so much! I'm grateful that Lance can breastfeed and doesn't want to stop and wakes up in the middle of the night to eat." (that might be pushing it.) But really I am grateful. I'm grateful for all the little moments in my life, with all my kids.

Robby's mom and Aunt Diana came last weekend. We had fun going up to Fredricksburg to pick strawberries. I will say, the Fredricksburg peaches are much better than the strawberries.

We went to Rudy's BBQ on the way home, and Lance was having fun playing with Grammy and doing his cheesy smile for the camera.
This is the side of the Alamo. Diana's big reason for coming was that she always wanted to see the Alamo, and we tried to go the first day and it was closed! It closes at 5:30. So we went back before she left on Monday. Robby was able to walk from work to see us.
We tried to get a good picture on Emily's bench before Peggy flew out. This was the best one we got. Not too much of a success.