I've ran one marathon and that was five years ago , 4 months after Emily died. It was for such a huge reason and I felt such a connection and such meaning running it that I've been afraid to try to run another one. I trained with my best friend In Texas, and those training runs helped me through those four months. They gave me a reason to get up in the morning. And I ran the race with Janica, which was amazing. I had always promised Emily I would run one, when she was coming of the ventilator the respiratory therapist compared the settings they had her on to test her like running a marathon. I had promised her then if she could do it that I would run one someday.
I think one of the reasons I want to do it now is to just beat that fear I have of doing another one! And to have to do it alone; running that long gives you a lot of time to doubt yourself if you let it!
I ran 17 miles on Thursday, having worked my way up from 11 to 13 to 15. 17 felt like a big deal; I was so nervous I kept waking up on Wednesday night. But I had decided that I would use part of my run to remember Emily and the events of when she was born. I spent the first 11 miles listening to the Well of Assention and then decided to turn on my music and think about Emily. I was amazed at how my emotions came flooding back, I think maybe because I was running and away from distractions I could really focus. It was really good for me to have that chance. And I ran it at a 8.35 mile pace; my last few miles were each at an 8 minute mile. So that was a nice bonus. I was pushing myself but it was nice to know I could.
And then the next day I swam for 45 minutes, which I was also proud of myself for-the first ten minutes I thought I was going to die! I haven't swam in 2 years and I've never been any good. It wasn't until I decided to stop focusing so much on my breathing and try to think of other things that I was able to relax and get a good rhythm going.
Originally I thought I would try to qualify for the Boston but then I realized that they have lowered their qualification time to 3 hours 35 minutes, which is an 8 min 12 sec mile pace. I don't want to run the whole thing and then be disappointed because I didn't qualify. So my goal is under 4 hours and anything past that is bonus. We shall see how it goes!
3 comments:
Wow, that is awesome! I'm impressed with anyone who can run that long, but that is special that you ran the 1st marathon for Emily, and if you can do it once, then of course you can do it again!!
You can do this! I wish I was here to run it with you. That's an awesome pace-I'm happy if I can hold under 10!
I know you've been struggling with where your motivation might come from for this. But maybe that's where it's supposed to come from-being self motivated without having a root cause, but rather simply as a way to healthily prioritize YOU. I think I told you that last week-running is something that is purely selfish for me. And I've become ok with that! It started, like you with Em, as something I was doing for my babies. And that was what I needed then. But it's not what I need now.
Whatever you decide as your reason, I know Em will be watching you and jumping up and down cheering for you :)
You are an amazing woman cousin. I agree, if you did it once, you can do it again. You can do anything, because you have already been through so much. I love, respect, and admire you so much. Good for you!
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