I've ran one marathon and that was five years ago , 4 months after Emily died. It was for such a huge reason and I felt such a connection and such meaning running it that I've been afraid to try to run another one. I trained with my best friend In Texas, and those training runs helped me through those four months. They gave me a reason to get up in the morning. And I ran the race with Janica, which was amazing. I had always promised Emily I would run one, when she was coming of the ventilator the respiratory therapist compared the settings they had her on to test her like running a marathon. I had promised her then if she could do it that I would run one someday.
I think one of the reasons I want to do it now is to just beat that fear I have of doing another one! And to have to do it alone; running that long gives you a lot of time to doubt yourself if you let it!
I ran 17 miles on Thursday, having worked my way up from 11 to 13 to 15. 17 felt like a big deal; I was so nervous I kept waking up on Wednesday night. But I had decided that I would use part of my run to remember Emily and the events of when she was born. I spent the first 11 miles listening to the Well of Assention and then decided to turn on my music and think about Emily. I was amazed at how my emotions came flooding back, I think maybe because I was running and away from distractions I could really focus. It was really good for me to have that chance. And I ran it at a 8.35 mile pace; my last few miles were each at an 8 minute mile. So that was a nice bonus. I was pushing myself but it was nice to know I could.
And then the next day I swam for 45 minutes, which I was also proud of myself for-the first ten minutes I thought I was going to die! I haven't swam in 2 years and I've never been any good. It wasn't until I decided to stop focusing so much on my breathing and try to think of other things that I was able to relax and get a good rhythm going.
Originally I thought I would try to qualify for the Boston but then I realized that they have lowered their qualification time to 3 hours 35 minutes, which is an 8 min 12 sec mile pace. I don't want to run the whole thing and then be disappointed because I didn't qualify. So my goal is under 4 hours and anything past that is bonus. We shall see how it goes!
