I know that's pretty typical during pregnancy but seriously, I can't get two coherent thoughts together sometimes. Today Lance got his hair cut and the total was $17.95. I thought, "Oh great, I can tip 20% and the total will be $20, not realizing until my way home I'd given her closer to a 10% tip. I just do silly things all the time. And I know it's proven you lose brain cells while you're pregnant. I'm just not loving it.
Yesterday at church I totally lost it, due to Emily's Angel Day being next week and some things that happened. But I was like uncontrollable crying, in a ward where I really don't know anyone well enough to talk to them about why I'm so emotional. It was quite embarrassing. I had to take myself out for a walk in the freezing cold to calm down. And while I do have reasons to be emotional, I don't think I normally would have been quite so emotional. I just wish I had my breakdowns in my bedroom, not in the middle of Sacrament meeting or the middle of the grocery store, which is where I had it when I was pregnant with Lance, before Christmas the first year after Emily had passed away.
We sold our house and are starting the hunt for one here, though there is not much available. Especially with what we are looking for. Hopefully we'll find something!
I am sick of people looking surprised when I tell them I'm not due until March. I'm short. I have no place to go but out. I don't always feel huge until I look in the mirror. And then I get annoyed because I was really enjoying not knowing what I weighed this pregnancy, and then at my new doctors office they give me a piece of paper at the end of each visit with the weight plastered at the top! Its a bit hard not to notice; I tried to fold it down last time so I wouldn't see it but did. I think it's because I still exercise for about an hour a day, it messes with my mind that I manage to still put on that much weight! I'm just going crazy. Because I do truly know how lucky I am to have healthy, normal pregnancies. I am very grateful for that and know I have nothing to complain about. And Janica is coming up this weekend with Akaila for a girls night, and then she's going to watch the kids while Robby and I go to the temple, so I'm super, super grateful for that. Horray for being by family!
3 comments:
I feel your pain Camille. It seems with each child I have, I lost more and more brain cells. I get emo too and uncontrollable laughing spells. Good luck house hunting and hooray for being closer to family!
Oh cuz, I am so sorry. When I was prego with Jack, I was an emotional wreck for practically the entire 9 months, especially the last trimester. And I guarantee that I'm sure you don't look big. You are teensy tiny and always will be.
honey you have all the reason in the world to be timid and have reservations about this pregnancy- with everything you have been through- i remember when i was almost due with Lil A i was so anxious and well for good reson - so don't allow those fears to be put aside too much have them make sure things are smooth and good and the baby is healthy and make sure you get a blessing and we will allll be praying for you and your smooth delivery and I know you will be strengthened.
and for whoever freaks that you are big show em my pic and tell and then tell em im NOT pregnant and then they will be like oh you are sooooo tiny! honey you are about the most gorgeous person i know and the cutest prego lady int he world! enjoy being "prego fat" because i MISSSSS my baby bellie. now i'm just flabulous! hahahha!
being pregnant and feeling that little precious growing and wiggling is nothing but a miracle do not let anyone take away a moment of that joy from you - love yousoooo much!
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