So my children will know who I am.

So this week was a tough week. Robby's Grandpa Read passed away last week and his funeral was Monday, so he went home for the funeral in Washington and was there Friday night-Wednesday night.  And I had some things happen while he was gone that just weren't fun.  Which just seemed lame because he almost never goes on trips!  This was nothing compared to when he went to a BYU football game and Emily ended up in the hospital and Lily was 3 months old, but it gave me a chance to think about some things and I've realized a couple of things about myself.

1. I have delayed reactions to things. I can usually handle things fairly well in the moment, but then later will have a total breakdown. I remember when my best friend, Becky,  left for a semester abroad while I was engaged.  We'd been roommates all through college and it was my first time living without her. I was sad she was leaving, but didn't even really cry until about 3-4 weeks later and lost it to Robby one night for no real reason. When he asked what was wrong it was just, "I miss Becky!"  When people move I tend to be like that. I'm not always emotional at the time, but then later on it hits me. Or when a child is hurt, or when Emily was in the hospital. So I guess it's my coping mechanism.

2. I deal with things in a physical way.  I love to read, but after Emily died I didn't read a book for 6 months (other than my scripctures) I just couldn't sit still that long.  We had a meeting on Thursday for church talking about emotional health and this came up; how you deal with things like stress, grief, etc. And mine is all physical. Like on Tuesday, I hadn't worked out since Friday and had had a bummer last few days. So I got to the gym, cranked my music, and ran as fast as I could for a mile. And then did my boot camp class as hard as I could. And it felt so good! But it's made me worried about how I will deal with things when I can't deal with them physically. Like if I get injured or get a disease or something. How else can I deal with stress?

 I did have the thought that I enjoy playing the piano and that de-stresses me, too. So I want to start practicing the piano more. Robby just put a ceiling fan in our piano room so its much cooler in there. It was our only room in the house without a ceiling fan and so it always felt much warmer than the rest of the house and made me not want to be in there when it's so hot outside.  I'd also like to get better at my theory so I'm a better piano teacher.

3. I need physical affection.  My "Love language" I guess. All Reid's are like this; we're pretty sure it's from our dad.  But like this week I really hadn't seen anyone since Saturday. And I had a friend come over and give me a hug and I didn't know i needed it until I got it. It was like I could then acknowledge my emotions.  The same thing happened on Easter, when I was missing Emily. I had a friend give me a hug and those emotions flooded out; how much I was missing her. And it felt so good to have a good cry and get that out.

4. I'm an extrovert-I need people! Not too surprising I guess when I need physical affection.  In our meeting on Thursday the way it was put was "How do you get re-charged? By being with people or by being by yourself?"  And mine is definitely with people. I like being with people. I think that's one of the main reasons I try to do things with my kids.  Its for them, but it's so that I can get out of the house and be around other adults! I don't think I'd last very long on a desert island.  Like on Friday I was feeling really down in the morning. I took the kids to the gym and by the end of the workout felt so much better. I think it was partly the workout, but a big part of it was just being with others. So, that's what I've learned about myself this week. I'm pretty sure it's stuff I already know but I felt like I wanted to write it out so others (like maybe my kids) can understand a bit better what makes me tick!