What's the worst question?

There are lots of bad questions, and I've had a quite a few of them asked, especially regarding Emily. But I think many women would agree, that one of the worst questions to be asked, when you are NOT pregnant, is if you ARE pregnant. Which happened to me tonight. And when I asked, "Why, do I look like I have a tummy?" I was then told that, Yes, I do look like I have a tummy. I'm back to how I looked after Emily and after Lily! I can just laugh it off, but seriously, not super happy about it. But, it makes a funny story, right?

Sleep, Baby, Sleep!

So here's what's going on with Mr. Lance. He's really a good baby. he wakes up between 7:00-8:00, is awake for 1/2 hour-1 hour, takes a 1/2 hour-45 minute nap, wakes up again around 9:00, sleeps again around 11:30-1:00, and then takes another nap from 3:00-5:00. And then goes to bed around 8:00. He eats every 3 hours, about 7:00, 10:00, etc. So he has a decent day time schedule. The problems are, #1, he won't sleep laying down. Refuses. Even if he is so, so tired. He screams and screams. Then as soon as I put him in his carseat he goes right to sleep. Without crying. So it's hard to let him scream in his bed, because I know he'll go right to sleep in his carseat. I don't think he has reflux, because he'll play on the ground just fine for a long time, right after he eats. We've tried getting him to sleep on his stomach, too, but he doesn't like that, either. So my question is, do I let him just keep sleeping in his carseat, or do I make him cry it out? We go to the doctor tomorrow, so I'll ask him, too.

Our other issue is nighttime. He will eat around 10:00 Pm, and then again around 2:00, and if I let him again at 4:00, 6:00. The other night when he woke up at 4:00 I put him in his swing without feeding him and he went until 8:00. We started him on cereal the other day, and two nights ago he only woke up once, and last night he was up at 9:30, 11:30 (where I fed him) and then at 2:00. So at 2:00 I put him in his swing again without feeding him, and he slept until 7:15! So now I know he can make it through the night, so do I let him cry in the middle of the night when he wakes up, or just put him in his swing like I did last night. I think that's what I'll do for a bit, and hope it helps him establish the pattern of not needing to eat. If he still cries in his swing I'll feed him. But eventually I've got to figure something else out. So that's what's on my mind this morning. Any thoughts?

Randomness

This is the last picture that I took of Lily and Emily together. It was a day or two before Emily went to the hospital for the last time. She went to the hospital the day Lily turned 5 months old, and today Lance turned 5 months old. It's kind of a landmark for me, and I've been waiting for this day since Lance was born. I can't really describe why. I guess it's because 5 months is the longest I've ever had 2 kids at home-Emily lived for one more week but was at the hospital. And we just remember Lily at the age of 5 months so well, because she was just the thing that gave us a little bit of sunshine in an otherwise very gloomy time. I took this picture of Lily and Lance the other day, and didn't even realize that Lily was wearing the same shirt that Em was in their last picture together until I just went to put these pictures on the blog. You can see that Lance is a bit bigger then Lily was at 5 months! Probably because the kid still wakes up twice in the middle of the night to eat, and Lily was sleeping through the night easily by 5 months.

Ok, here's my other random thoughts. I love chocolate covered cranberries. I've eaten a bag the last 24 hours. Like about a pound. They're dark chocolate, and at least they're not chocolate covered peanuts. I therefore justify myself.

School with Lily has been fun. We've done it every day for at least 15 minutes-sometimes that's all of me she wants! Except yesterday. The van was dead and so Robby came home to jump start it for us and it just threw my entire day off. I'm hoping to get a bit structured and more into a routine.

I'm thankful for the bookclubs I go to. I've realized that I've read so many good books that I would have otherwise missed out on. Because I am not good at making myself read things other than airhead books! Some of the ones I've enjoyed are The Help, The Book Thief, Three Cups of Tea, and the list goes on. And of course we just all read Mockingjay. So thank you ladies!

Most of you who read this know that my dad runs a television station in Kabul, Afghanistan. My mom has put a commerical that the station created and aired during Ramadan. http://daveandjilladventures.blogspot.com/ If you watch it, keep in mind that during Ramadan the people are fasting from sunup to sundown. So the boy in the commerical has not had anything to eat all day. And the boy who is the beggar in the commerical really was a beggar. He was found by someone at the station and given the job of being a dubber, and in exchange is getting fed, an education, and a bit of money.

And my last bit of randomness, I'm thankful for a husband who does the dishes after dinner.

Lily's School

So I've been wanting to do some more crafts and things with Lily, but haven't really known how to-it's hard to find the time in the day! And I've kind of been wanting a new project, so last night I decided that Lily and I are going to have "school" every day after lunch for 1/2 hour. I'm not really sure what we're going to do for a curriculum yet, or what I want to do for themes, activities, etc. But I figure I have time in my day to spend 1/2 hour devoted to Lily and playing with her, and I'd just as soon have it be somewhat structured. Just for my sake. Not that we don't play at other times during the day, but usually it's more me getting her her toy, or playing with her for 5 minutes or so and then doing something else. So I'm starting another blog to keep track of what we do, so that I can go back to it later, or so that next year I can find the activities that we did. So here's the address if you're interested! http://lilysschool.blogspot.com. Here goes nothing!

Go BYU?

Robby is slightly obsessed with BYU football. Anybody who knows him will laugh and say that's a bit of an understatement. He went to the BYU-Washington game last week with his dad and brother-in-laws and had a fabulous time. He got Lance this shirt at BYU, and it's size 12 months, but fits him great. (I think the size was just wrong). This was before BYU started playing so awful yesterday. Lily loves putting things on her head and wearing my shoes. It makes us laugh. She also is now into Elmo and has an Elmo sing-a-long DVD that she LOVES to watch. We only let her watch it once a day-usually while I'm excerising or trying to feed Lance. She's figured out counting this week-I was mad at her and counted "one, two...", and she goes "THREE!" and was so proud of herself. It was pretty hard not to laugh. Since then she's been trying, but it goes more, "One, one, three, one, three..."

She put on this headband all by herself. And then she'll go "I pretty." She wears Emily's headbands all the time.

Lance watching his first BYU game last week.

Lily will lay down by Lance and play with him; in general she's been nicer this week. Her hair looks like this if I don't do it.

We went and saw Robby at work last week-it was Lance's first time being there.

Overall things are going well. I feel like I'm not getting anything done-I don't have any projects I'm working on or anything, which makes me feel like I'm wasting time. Not that being home with my kids is wasting time. Because it's not at all. I just know I could be also doing more than what I am doing. I've started teaching piano again, but don't have as many students as I usually do. I wouldn't mind having a few more. Lance does well during the day, but is only sleeping at the most 5 hours at night. The last few nights it's been more like 3 hours. Lily was sleeping 5 hours at a time by the time she was 2 weeks old, so considering Lance is 4 1/2 months old it feels like he's NEVER sleep through the night. At least he's healthy and happy!

Deja Vu

For the past several weeks I've been having some strong cases of Deja vu, and it all seemed to come to a head this weekend. Specifically, I've been reminded a lot lately of Emily, and of those several months before she died. I think it's for several reasons. The first is, right now Lance is the same size and the same age that Lily was when Emily got sick, the month or so before she passed away. He's is 4 months old, which was the age Lily was when Em got sick in December and then when we went home for Christmas. So Lance is doing the same things that I remember Lily doing when Emily was still here.

And Lily now is about the same size as Em was before she passed away. She's wearing the clothes Em did. So I just think of her a lot. Like the other day I took Lance and Lily running in the double jogging stroller. Lily would try to hold Lance's hand, and he would hold onto her just like Lily used to with Em. Emily would move her hands and smack Lily, and Lily would try to grab Em's hands or lick her arm. They had their own interactions, and Lily had just started to really get to know Emily, just like Lance is now really figuring out who Lily is.

Another reason for the deja vu, is Lance is very similar in development right now to Emily. He likes to roll around and play on the ground and bat at toys, just like she used to. Last night he was on the floor making very cute noises, and Robby was on the computer. Robby couldn't take it and came over and laid on the ground and played with him, just like he used to with Emily. Every night with Em he'd get down on the floor and roll around with her and growl and whistle and make her laugh.

Flying home to Washington by myself last week made me remember all the times I flew home by myself with Emily. She was always so good on the flights, and I could feed her and play and then read my book. At home I could put Lance on the floor next to my dad in the bedroom, or carry him around outside, just like I used to with Em. When I went home with just Lily, after Emily had passed away, she was older and was crawling around and stuff. But Lance is happy to be on the floor near people, and it just reminds me of Emily.

This time of year confuses me, too. In Texas the spring, summer, and fall all tend to blend together, and I have a hard time remembering what month it is. Is it August or May? October or April? Seriously. Every other place I've lived you can tell the seasons because in the fall the leaves are changing colors, winter it's cold and bare, spring there's new stuff growing, and summer is warmer and the grass is still green. Texas, it all looks the same to me. I even bought tomatoes again yesterday for a second growing season. Which I should go water. Right now.

Lily is cute with Lance, and plays with him and will try to entertain him. I try not to think about it, but it makes me so sad that Emily's not here for Lily to help and talk to and play with. I can just see her giving toys to Emily, pushing her around in the wheelchair, talking to her, giving her hugs, etc. I get teary when I see children with their brothers or sisters who have disabilities-I just think they're so lucky! Everyone always told us a brother or sister would help Emily, and the timing just didn't work out the way we had planned, which tends to be the case with lots of things. I know that Lily came when she did for a reason, and that Emily passed away when she did for a reason, but it doesn't not make it hard!

Emily would have been starting first grade this week, which is another reason for my deja vu. I know that Emily doesn't care about not starting first grade-she's much happier where she is! But I remember the 3 years we had school shopping and then going to school, and it's now just weird that I'm at home with a baby and toddler. I've gone backward. I never really had this time with Emily, because from the beginning we had therapists, doctors, etc. So to just be home with my kids is very different. I enjoy it, but I sure feel like I waste a lot of time, because I'm not on the schedule that I used to be on.

I feel very blessed to be the mom of 3 beautiful children. Last night laying in bed I could just see Emily rolling around on the ground kicking her legs and squealing and so happy, and I love the memories, but it sure hurts!

Worry Free Washington Trip

I say worry free Washington, because my dad was home from Afghanistan, so we didn't have to worry about him. And Lily was safe at home in Texas with Robby, so I didn't have to worry about her beating up her brother or getting into things she shouldn't while I was visiting home. It was just a very nice, relaxing vacation at home. Thanks to everyone who watched Lily and to Robby who encouraged me to go! I went home to see my dad-it's the first time I've been home while he's home since last August, though I saw him in March in Utah for my grandpa's funeral. He was only home for 2 weeks to have a medical procedure done, and so Robby told me to go for it and take Lance home to meet Grandpa and his cousins and Aunt Sarah and Uncle Steve.
Our first day home we went up to Mt. Baker Ski Area and Heather Meadows. This is Mount Shuksan from Picture Lake, a very famous mountain. Isn't it beautiful? I LOVE it! While we were home Mom was having her kitchen redone, so we ate every meal outside. Mom did a great job of cooking out on the grill. We all ate off of paper plates, but Dad got the real stuff :-) This was my favorite meal-Sockeye Salmon caught that morning and grilled. YUM! Doesn't get much fresher than that!

We went out to the beach quite a few times while we were home. Lance loved being outside. This was the first time that Dad had met Lance. On Sunday while we were at church Lance was on my lap and would just stare at Dad. Then when Dad would look at him he would smile and smile. It was so nice to have him get to know his grandpa a bit!

The first night home we had a cookout out at the beach. Braxton really loved Lance and always wanted to know where he was. He sang The Wheels on the Bus to him over and over, and did a pretty good job holding him. Brax is Janica's 2nd-he's 5.

Here's all the boy cousins together. This was the first time they all met.
It was really cold up at Heather Meadows, so we all got warm by the fire.

Can you tell we're up in the clouds? After this picture we drove up even higher, and couldn't see anything. Literally. You had to watch the yellow line to see where to drive. We went back down lower afterwards to have our picnic where it was a bit warmer!

It was so nice to have Mom and Dad together. Dad's now back in Afghanistan, and is planning on staying until March. He'll come home for Christmas, but that's probably it. Mom sent him back with a huge suitcase full of food. Literally. That's all that was in one of those big missionary sized suitcases. He even went back with a cooler of cheese!

Here they are with Janica's kids and Lance.

This telescope was free and you could look closer at Mt. Shuksan. Janica's boys were very excited to be in Mt. Baker National Forest because apparently there's an I Carly episode where they go to Mt. Baker National Forest to look for Bigfoot. Otherwise known in the Northwest as Sasquatch. So this man in the background was showing them the Sasquatch's tracks on the face of Mt. Shuksan. And his cave. The boys were SO excited and would say, "I see it, I see it!" The rest of us were dying laughing.

Sisters, sisters, There were never such devoted sisters...

Mom's new kitchen. It will be so fun to see it over Christmas.

I think this may be my favorite picture from the trip.

This beach is 5-10 minutes from our house. Can you see why I wouldn't mind moving back???

I love this picture, too. Grandpa with all his grandsons. There are 5 girls between Brax and Lance. It goes Ryan, Emily, Braxton, McKinnley, Akaila, Kylee, Lily, Mady, and then Lance.

Dad would give Akaila rocks to throw. Braxton is going to be football player. Hopefully for BYU so his Uncle Robby can go watch him play!

My best friend, Bekah, just had a baby, Max, and we go to see them. They live up in Canada. Max is 8 weeks old and Lance is 4 months. He's a good sized kid

Besides the obvious being with family it was so nice to be able to run where I wasn't dying from sweating so much, go be able to sleep with blankets on and no airplanes flying overhead, and to walk around outside in bare feet! Oh, to live where there's soft grass again!